Email us your farm jokes or story and you may see your submission here!
Why can't cows drive boats? Because they can't steer their udder.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bull-dozer.
What do you get when you cross a rooster and a cow? Cockadoodlemoo!
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don't work.
Dough boys - This Effingham, Illinois farm wife's blunder is hilarious!
(From the booklet " My Most Embarrassing Moment" - Reimen Publications)
After living in town for years, we decided to "go country" - grow our own vegetables, burn wood, raise a couple pigs and keep some chickens so we'd have fresh eggs. But, not used to the ways of the country, we were always running out of things, and that led to my most embarrassing moment! A few days after getting 50 baby chicks, we ran out of chick starter. Figuring I could make do until I could get to town, I rummaged through my kitchen cupboards and put together a mixture of rolled oats and flour. When I put this "treat" out for our baby chicks, they went wild with excitement, and I left them to enjoy their meal. That evening, a friend from town stopped by, and , wanting to show off my "farming" ability, I asked her out to see our chicks. But when I looked in on them, I saw something was dreadfully wrong! All those chicks were toppled over on their sides, chirping like mad! And for good reason - when the flour I'd given them combined with their drinking water, they'd all ended up with dough balls the size of English muffins on their feet. It took me most of the night to remove those new "snowshoes" I had given them!
What do you call the spots on black and white cows? Holstains.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with only its two right legs? Lean beef.
Where do cows like to ride on trains? In the cow-boose.
TOP 10 REASONS FARM TRUCKS AREN'T STOLEN:
#10 They have about 20 miles before they overheat, breakdown or run out of gas.
#9 Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out.
#8 It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab.
#7 It takes too long to start, and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision.
#6 The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean.
#5 They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc.
#4 The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape.
#3 Top speed is approximately 45 mph.
#2 Who wants to steal a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in body work, tail-lights and windshield?
#1 It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.
What's the difference between a barn and a cowshed? the farmer is 30 years older!
– Lynn Nash, Minnesota
What type of computer do baby calves always ask for? mmmmmaaaaaaaaac (mac)
– E. Johnson, Minnesota
The following farm jokes are selections from farmjokes.com
One very warm summer day, my husband, brother, 5 year old son and myself were doing fencing on top of a hill behind our house. We had been working non-stop for a couple of hours when my son said he needed a drink. Since we were within walking distance of the house, I sent him with the water jug to the house to refill it. Being the little Mr. Big Man that he is, he trotted all the way down the hill, through the barn and out into the barn yard. To get out of the barn yard and onto the road for the easiest way to the house, he had to go 'under' the electric fence. Now, he had a good 6" under the fence and it had never caused a problem before. But, for some reason he decided that he had to undo the electric fence to walk through. This thing, being strung so tightly was hard for an adult to do. He grabbed the plastic handle on the gate (good kid) then grabbed the wire the gate was hooked to, and got one heck of a jolt. We could hear him scream all the way at the top of the hill. Knowing immediately what had happened, and knowing that even though the pain goes away quickly that he would stand there for the rest of the day crying, I ran all the way down the hill to check on him. By the time I got there, he had almost calmed down. I hugged him, and reminded him that the fence was only about 6 inches above his head, that he could go under it without any problem. He told me about how he had tried to open it and how bad it hurt when it bit him. Then he asked me, "Mom? Did you see my bones when it shocked me?"
– Leigh Hale
What kind of milk comes from a forgetful cow? Milk of Amnesia.
Why did the cow jump over the moon? The farmer had cold hands.
How does a farmer count a herd of cows? With a cowculator.
How did the farmer find his lost cow? He tractor down.
As a small boy in farm town, Ohio I spent a great deal of time working for my grandfather on his farm. We had some problems with our cows and horses and pigs getting out of our fields or people getting into our fields.
Grandpa had a bright idea one year, install an electric fence. We did and it worked great. Every few months we had to walk the fences and clear brush away from the wire so it wouldn't break or short out.
Grandpa often brought a bottle of wine or a few beers with him. He did his drinking in the field because his wife wouldn't permit him to drink in or around the house. He had alcohol hidden in so many places in the woods that he often forgot where it was. On this particular occasion, he not only remembered where his different stashes were, but he also drank all that he found. This led to the need to relieve his bladder.
Well, after that much drinking, ones mind becomes clouded and eye site becomes badly affected. Being a modest man he stepped to a somewhat secluded area to take care of business. Suddenly I heard a line of swear words come from grandpa and I saw him dancing through the brush as if he had been stung by a swarm of bees. After things calmed down I realized that he had watered the electric fence. That was the first time I heard grandpa swear or dance and something I will never forget. I took extra care after that where I went when I had to go.
Why can't you tell secrets in the cornfield? The corn has ears.
What do you get when you feed cows money? Rich milk!
What do you call cattle with a sense of humor? Laughing stock.
Why did the English Hedgehog cross the road? To see it's Flat-mate
Email us your farm jokes or story and you may see your submission here!!